Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize