I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
