all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
It's official drugs can't kill me
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
