Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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