I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
