so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
