I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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