VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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