It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I smell stomach acid.
We named our party play list daddy issues
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
