he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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