you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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