I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
