I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
