New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Randomize
