Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Randomize
