if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
