my phone needs a breathalizer
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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