Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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