Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Randomize
