he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
