so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
