Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Randomize
