I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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