apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
