Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
well you can't waste a boner
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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