he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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