If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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