OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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