do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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