I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
