I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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