Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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