Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Randomize
