she looked like the bat from fern gully.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
