I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
