what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You were trust falling into bushes
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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