Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
