I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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