I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
