Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He did a backflip because drugs
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
