Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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