Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
