I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
