Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
