i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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