Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
