Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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