you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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