the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
