either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
