Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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