Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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