I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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