I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
