I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
