I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
