About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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