So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
