You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize