i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
