college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
