Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
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I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
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So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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