As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
How's work?
Spinning.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
