I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Randomize
