if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
i think i just lost a toe
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize