i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
