Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
