you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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