I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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