Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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