Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
