are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
