do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
