Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
