yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
