so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
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Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
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So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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