Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
