Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
