I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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