I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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