I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
