Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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