i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
